It was a hot class. The room holds 32 people and we were pushing that limit with 30. After the first set of breathing, the room was at least 10 degrees hotter. My internal senses alerted me to the heat as beads of sweat slid down my back. Hot. It was hot already. And the air was thick, like a milk shake. Control. This was the moment, in the early part of class and again during spine strengthening that I thought about control. Who has it? Why does it matter? Why do I want it so badly? Am I ever really out of control?
Control means choice. Ability to choose a desired outcome; to influence the situation; exert your preference. In a class setting, you (hopefully) accept the role of student and relinquish some of your control to the teacher-a person who knows more than you. We do this to learn; to grow into the person we're striving to be. Why does this matter? Because we're never really out of control. We chose to be there, to attend a class. By choosing yoga, or studying any material, we're making the decision to follow someone, something, some desire that is greater than we are alone. We're choosing to be open. So why do we want it so badly, this control, especially during a hard series? Because we are following someone's commands instead of our inner desire to shift out of something uncomfortable. We are being guided by their words, moving in their time. You release when they say release. It's this forced discomfort that drives us to think "Why am I here? I'm so tired. Just say let go. I'm going to lay down." But that's why we're there. I trust my teachers to move me to new places, out of my current state; to push me out of the familiar zone; to tell me what
to do so I can show them what I
can do.
Control. Give a little to grow. Accept your choices that have positive actions. Don't fight your feelings, simply breathe through them. Control. You never give it up completely. Control.
Class: Hot 90 with Jana
Wins: Lavender towels; breathing calmly; H20 sipping instead of guzzling; embracing both what I can control and what I choose to relinquish.
Toe Stand:
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