I have a tough time being vulnerable. I hide behind this exterior of humor; mask myself in a facade of well placed wit. It's easier being funny; the one that is never short on laughs. It's easier to be what people perceive you as; something more or less than what you are. It's easier to detach yourself from a person, group or emotion; something I am far too good at. Every time I leave someone behind, I let them float out of me; they take all feelings and memory and leave a sigh. My yoga practice is reaching into to all the holes, all the bullet wounds, all the memories that I carve out of my body. I can see the space where someone once took up. I can remember how I felt. The holes are there, no matter how many new experiences I layer on top.
Vulnerable. Not weak, but vulnerable. Opening up yourself to the potential. The unknown outcome, which could either harm or heal. Being vulnerable. Accepting vulnerability. Being a person. Being who you are and showing that individual - that unique spark that defines you - to someone. Strength is not in bravado, or how many push-ups I can muster. It's accepting who you are right now and learning who you want to become. It's progression. It's yoga.
Today, I let myself be vulnerable. It was a good day.
Class: Hot 90
Instructor: Jennifer H.
Studio: Open Door
Wins: 3 camels and the best backwards bend ever; mixing up postures; fine tuning and paying attention to the details; making a nicely shaped bow; crying because I was sad; smiling because I was happy; laughing at the silly moments; breathing through the struggles; accepting; moving; growing.
Nice post...like what "strength" is. I wrote a similar post from a slightly different angle, but with the same intent - be who you are; listen to the inside, the heart. We are all very good at covering up the holes, instead of living them.
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