The heat is less and less and less...oh, and less of a distraction. Even when it's thick in the room, I just do the inhales that help me. The long, slow and deliberate ones. I don't yell at myself when I fall out of bow, or when I get a bend in my "it's supposed to be locked solid" knee; I just lower my leg and start over with a fresh breath. I am amazed with the amount of energy and focus I can give to my practice when I'm not wasting energy fighting myself.
Fighting myself. What an awesome expression. Think about how much you fight yourself. The dagger eyes of concentration tensing your whole body; a tight jaw as you muscle your way into a certain depth. All that energy spent on tensing, straining, grinding is energy you could put towards productive movement: steady, calm breathing; fluid extension; a solid foundation.
We are constantly battered with the idea of who we should be that we end up fighting, nearly constantly, who we are. I'm far from the idea of who I should be and still fight myself all the time. "I should look this way. I should be able to do this. I should be stronger. smarter. better." All of these should statements are bullshit. Bullshit that is so stupid hard to let go. I'll most likely work on this for the rest of my life, but that's alright. It's a progression. I'm not waiting for the train to stop at perfect-ville. I'm just happy to be on the train and moving forward. The only thing I really value is growth. Not the capitalist "bigger, more more more more" sort of growth. Growing more into the person I am by losing all the imposed ideas of the person I should be. Growth in the positive, enriching and magical way.
Class: Hot 90
Instructor: Monica
Studio: Open Door
Wins: No problems with my breath; fully (maybe?) adapted to a hot, hot room; Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros make me happy with the large smiles and bright eyes; Not worrying about anyone else in the room.
Nicely put. I think the realisation is starting to hit home for a lot of us. It's about building a better life for ourself today and tomorrow, not about how pretty our postures look.
ReplyDeleteI like this post alot. It's so easy to realize we are fighting ourselves, and that we need to stop fighting and just accept who we are. Much harder to put that thought into practice and make it a reality. I'm with you, I value growth, however slow and hard to measure.
ReplyDeleteNice job surrendering to your breath.....
True! Sometimes I feel the growth, the movement forward and a big fat "should" whacks me upside the head...I stumble back and then, with more determination, move forward again.
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
amazing in depth portrayal of the battle within that all of us yogis can relate to so much. I judge myself so much sometimes that I don't realize what my body gives to me in return in those 90 minutes. "not the capitalist sort of growth"-the north american way of living, more and more, growth within, growth for postive change. Inspiring post, thank you.
ReplyDelete