I don't have time. No, not today. Too busy. Work. I'll make it up. Really, it's just too crazy. I have a million things to do...ugh, dammit. All the thoughts that race through my head on a busy day. So many, I barely know how to make enough room to breathe, let alone truck it to class. But I do. And I did. And I will. There have been a few times this challenge where yoga had to take a backseat - school, the flu and some poor timing - and that is to be expected. If it was so easy to finish everything you started, how many more people would be happy and healthy, but utterly bored. It's a Mala, an adventure, some even call it a challenge for a reason. Motivation, continuous motivation. Drive. Get up and go. It's what I look forward to, no matter how much my I-can't-no-not-enough-damn-rush-no-rush-shit-rush-ugh gets in the way. I can do this. Breathe, take a step and go to class. Don't punish yourself for an accidental class "oops, I missed the last one!", but don't quit before you even leave the house. Think of how much you love that feeling post class, that amazing yoga high we all secretly (or openly) crave. That exhilarating rush right after savasana, as we shower off our sweaty bodies and take strong, slow inhales. This is why we do this, day after day. To feel more, to know more, to explore more.
And after that little motivational rant, I want to talk about progression-mainly depth. That last few classes, I have been teetering in and out of the emotional ride from where's-my-razor-blade which included two, yes 2, dos, deux spontaneous tear sessions. As I depart that wonderful, depressing, reach way too deep too fast part of the Mala, I find new depth in my postures. New depth, without sacrificing my alignment. It's true, each day is different...not better or worse (though sometimes those labels come to mind first) I notice now how strong I can root my lower body to really fall back in that first backbend; my chest inflates first in camel, spreading my ribs; I know the feeling of my ankles pressing together and feet firmly down as I roll my hips up and over in rabbit. Depth, digging deeper and releasing more. I'm getting a grip on it now. All of my other activities are still throwing pot holes at me, but I'm learning how to manage the bumps or gracefully avoid the impact...gracefuly? maybe just effectively...a modicum of grace. But I feel it. The changes are there and growing each day.
Class: Hot 90 & Hot 90
Instructor: Mechelle & Jana
Studio: Open Door
Wins: A new apartment; moving; large balconies; calm spaces; new depth; the most magical lavender towels that Jana never forgets; venting with friends; talking like an adult; talking about adult activities; talking candidly, though remembering the humor.